I feel messed up. Like something is wrong inside my head. But i guess that’s how many people feel sometimes, and the fact is I am nothing special.. it is very tiring being a human though.. having all these emotions to deal with, and then being a female human – have even more emotions to deal with. Being sad, happy, angry and experiencing all of those emotions within a few minutes….it can be real tiring.. and then there is the fact that everyone is ugly when they cry, but crying is also necessary.. and then you just feel exhausted afterwards.recently, and I’m saying recently in a very sarcastic way, but recently I have been feeling sad, and angry.. angry and sad but like the whole time. And yeah I may be smiling on the outside but the fact is inside….inside my shoe my sock is falling off. Okay no jokes, on the inside I am drowning. Drowning in a kiddies pool of a combined emotion of sadness and anger. Angress? Sadner? Whatever the case may be, it sucks. And I have tried getting rid of it but that is easier said than done. The worst part is I don’t even have anything specific or significant in my life to blame it on. You know like those classic drama movies where something really tragic happen so you know why the main actor is feeling the way they are.. Unfortunately in the movie of my life I’m not even the main character, and there is no main climax. Just a bunch of insignificant events that led me to sitting in the dark on a Saturday night typing all this down because another feeling is the fact that if I don’t get rid of all these thoughts in my brain I might just legitimately go crazy one day, and none of us want that. Getting back to the feelings. Yeah there are some moments where I don’t completely feel that I either want to die or punch through a wall, but they are oh so rare.. the days that are good are like really good, I can’t complain… but more than nothing I think it’s more about seeking attention. Not that I don’t get enough of that, I just think I don’t get it from the right people. That’s the second thing bothering me at the moment. Along with feelings tiring you out as a human you have thoughts. And I seem to have more than I need or more than I can handle. I constantly think about what others think about me and how I can win them over. I think about if they like me, and if they don’t and why. Whats wrong with me? Is it that thing I did in the 8th grade? Is it the way I look? The way I talk? How can there be so many voices in my head and how can I quiet them. Sometimes they scream louder than my senses can take. Yes I am drowning, but I just wish I could drown the voices. They make my head hurt.
I’ll be okay though, I have to believe that, otherwise I will actually go crazy. I don’t know when or how but I’ll be okay… because I guess that’s life
Liz Life 